How to Help your Child Manage Their Emotions When They Lose
Helping kids manage their emotions can be challenging, especially after a big sports loss. That’s why it’s so important to teach them a few things to prepare them for failure or disappointment they will undoubtedly experience.
Every kid deals with loss differently. One of my kids will review every mistake made in the game and complain about every one, and the other will cry and yell. Whether your kid is a yeller, a crier, or a shut-down-and-refuse-to-talk type, having open communication about emotions and teaching coping skills before experiencing a tough loss or disappointment is an essential life skill.
1.Teach your kids to recognize their emotions. Before we teach them what to do when they feel big emotions, we must first teach them to acknowledge their feelings. Are they sad, angry, embarrassed, or frustrated? It’s important to be able to identify what you are feeling and consider why they are feeling that way.
2.Teach them that feeling emotions are ok! And normal. Validate their feelings by saying, “It’s ok to cry when your sad you lost,” or “It’s ok to be frustrated when you lose.” Share a time when you lost and how you coped with it.
3. Teach them coping skills. As a special education teacher, finding out what coping skills work best for each kid was one of my first priorities. Did deep breathing work for them? Taking a walk? Drawing or coloring? Sitting in our quiet corner? And the same goes for my own kids. When they are fired up after a game, or even worse, devastated at losing, my husband and I typically know what each kid needs, so we offer that.
4. Model what you want to see. Whether you have a five-year-old new to sports or a seasoned 16-year-old basketball player, our kids watch how we lose. Or how we react when “our teams” lose. How do you react when your favorite football team loses? What do you say when your kid’s team loses?
5. Stay calm. One of my favorite quotes is, “When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” L.R.Knost
When my kids are experiencing strong emotions, my natural reaction is to want to resolve it quickly, and sometimes that doesn’t provide the calm my kids need. And maybe I am annoyed by bad calls or a mean opposing team, but I do not need to join in. I need to provide that calm for them.
6. Feeling your feelings is ok. Making bad choices is not. I always tell my kids that they can feel however they need to, but it does not excuse them from being unkind or making unsafe choices. Get mad. Cry. Yell. But we won’t belittle, be unsafe, or be disrespectful.
Teaching our kids about managing their emotions is a very long process. As an adult, I still need to remind myself to take deep breaths when I’m frustrated or take a break. It isn’t perfect, but it is such necessary work to help our kids grow into emotionally mature adults.
