What to Say After a Tough Sports Loss
I've never been the competitive sports type, so knowing what to say when my kids experience a tough loss can be tricky for me. Though I played many sports as a kid, I cannot remember a single time I cared much about losing. Of course, I wanted to win, but let's just say I wasn't losing sleep over lost games. So knowing what to tell my kids after a big loss didn't come easy.
Until I read a Washington Post article by Nancy Star. She discusses how she thought she needed to talk through these losses with her daughters and realized she didn't need to say anything…at first.
She explains this advice to listen first, shared with her by a more experienced sports parent, as the key to surviving post-game conversations.
By not rushing to console our children after tough losses, telling them it's ok, they did their best; we are allowing them the time and space to think and then share with us.
Before reading this article, I would be quick to tell my kids all the things I thought I should be saying. They would argue and be incredibly (and understandably) grumpy for the entire ride home, which sometimes made two-hour rides home not so fun.
After reading this article, I tried her method. I didn't make a big deal when I saw my daughter walking across the field. When she approached me, I said nothing. As we walked to the car, she said, "That team was awful! And no one was passing to me!" I paused before speaking to give her another moment and said, "I'm sorry."
She said, "Yeah, it was really annoying." Then we got into the car, and she said, "What are we doing for lunch?"
And I thought, "It works!"
So next time your kid’s team loses a big game, take a moment, listen first, and see what happens.
